“Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Patrick and Carrie’s wedding reception, presented by Dole. I’m Sean, and I’ll be your best man for the afternoon. Before we get started with the wedding toast, I want to remind you to store your loose articles under your seat. Once they are safely stowed, pull down on your lap bar. Do me a favor and tug on the yellow strap to make sure the lap bar is secure. During the duration of the speech, please remain seated, and keep your hands and arms inside the vehicle at all times — and please, watch your children. Off we go — Driver, all clear.
“Good afternoon, and let’s gets started on our magical wedding adventure. I just want to tell you a little about the couple we are here to celebrate. On the driver’s left is our groom, Patrick. Little known fact, Patrick is a twin. When he is fully grown, he can be up to 25 feet tall and weigh up to 5,000 pounds. To the driver’s right is Carrie. Little known fact, she is not a twin. When she is fully grown, she can be up to 25 feet tall and weight up to 5,000 pounds.
“Patrick and Carrie met at his cousin Gabriel’s birthday party. In fact, hold on a minute—I think I see Gabriel now. Don’t worry folks, you’re perfectly safe as long as he’s not blowing bubbles and wiggling his ears. Oh no! [bang, bang]
“We hope you enjoyed your visit with us today. If you did, my name is Sean Johnson. If not, my name is Patrick Johnson. Now before we disembark, gather all your belongings, take small children by the hand, raise your glass, and join me in singing the traditional toast…”